_{I need to preface this post by saying there is no right or wrong when it comes to being a working mom, a part-time working mom, or a stay-at-home mom. Whichever is best for you, your family, and your needs is what is right. My decision was based on my needs and wants and lots of conversations with my family. This is just my experience, and it is not meant to throw shade at anyone or anyone’s choices.}

As most of you know,  this year, I decided that I was going to leave full-time in the classroom teaching. As a bit of background, I was part of the founding team that opened a brand new Cristo Rey school in Durham, NC. I arrived there six months pregnant and found myself working 10-hour days. We were a super small staff (about 15 total, including teachers, admin, and other supports), so everyone had to come together to get us up and running. While the days were long and pretty grueling (who knew opening a school was so much work), I loved almost every second. After having Millie in October, I returned to work at nine weeks. I was welcomed back by my co-workers, who I loved, and freaking outstanding students who made leaving my tiny little baby (almost) worth it. I can still remember the freaking relief I felt when I got home.

About a month after returning, I expected the days to get easier. But I realized I still dreaded the moment I walked out of the door. I still spent every last possible second with her before I left. I still was the first one running out the door to see her. The moments between, when I was so actively engaged in the teaching and my students, were bearable, and I was invested in my students, but the before and after were filled with a mix of sadness, guilt, and honestly, some FOMO. I made it through that year and went back for year two. The emotional cycle continued. 

One moment is pivotal in my decision to leave teaching full-time. Millie had her 15-month check, and I decided to play hooky (something I rarely did because we had no subs, IYKYK). We went to her appointment and had the best day– a picnic lunch and a trip to the Museum of Life and Science. We were on the train at the museum, and Millie rested her head on my chest, and I immediately felt myself crying. I remember thinking, like, “wait, why am I crying right now?” and then it hit me. This. This is what I was missing. This is what I wanted to badly. Those simple, everyday moments are what I was craving. 

I have transitioned into working part-time and mostly remotely. I miss my students every freaking day and still keep in touch with a couple of them. This was my first time in over 10 years that I did not walk into a classroom this August to set up my room. This is the first time in over ten years I haven’t found new Google Slides templates to use. And this is the first time in over ten years that I haven’t had those “first day” jitters over the new school year. But I realize two things more and more every day as I lean into this new life. 1. Again, moms are freaking badasses because OMG, it is exhausting to mom all day and be needed all day, and 2. I made the right decision. I am so at peace with my decision not to go back into the classroom, and I am genuinely in love with the life I am living, watching my girl learn and grow and explore. 

I don’t know what is coming down the line for me and my career. But, for me, right now, this is where I need to be and she is who I need to be with.